“Today, I choose kindness and patience.”
Translation: “I’ll try not to stab anyone before breakfast. But let’s be real, if someone cuts in line at the coffee shop, all bets are off. Patience is for people who don’t carry katanas. And kindness? I’ll save that for my Hello Kitty backpack.”
“My intention is to remain open to learning and growth.”
“Because, obviously, there’s so much room for personal development when you feel like your life sucks. Today’s lesson: mastering the art of not accidentally texting your crappy boss or arch-nemesis your grocery list. Growth is realizing that even though you will likely wake up, unfortunately, you can’t regenerate dignity.”
How Mindgami Would Kick Off the Day (With Maximum Effort, Obviously)
Step 1: Wake up and admire the beauty of your ceiling.
Remember, it’s the only thing that’s seen more action than you.
Step 2: Give a pep talk to your reflection:
“You’re smart, you’re kind of a smartass, and gosh darn it, people tolerate you.”
Don’t forget to brush your teeth before you drink your coffee.
Step 3: Make breakfast a part of your balanced diet:
Coffee, pancakes, and vengeance. Maybe throw in a piece of fruit. Gotta keep it healthy.
Step 4: Look at your to-do list.
Decide which tasks are worth your awesomeness. Spoiler: It’s none of them. Then do them anyway because even mindgamis have to pay bills.
Step 5: Before stepping out, remind yourself:
“I am the storm.”
Then, remember you forgot your keys, your phone, and that you left the stove on. Classic you.
Step 6: As you finally start your day, remember that no matter what life throws at you, you’ve got this.
Why? Because you’re a Mindgami, and you’re basically unstoppable. Also, you’re hilarious, and let’s face it, that’s half the battle.
So, there you have it. Morning intentions, Mindgami style. Remember, it’s not about the chaos around you; it’s about the chaos within you. Or something like that.
Now, go forth and conquer your day with the grace of a gazelle and the subtlety of a hand grenade in a piñata factory.